So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
