what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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