I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
And then he peed in my hair
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