Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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