I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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