she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
