It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
