I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
