Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
