How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
