Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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