Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
