we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
