I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
