fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
