before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
