Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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