I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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