every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
