I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
