That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
