Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
