I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
