im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
