Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
