HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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