he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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