you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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