first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
