We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
