I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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