There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
