i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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