Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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