dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
