i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
