I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize