And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
