if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
