A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
