im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize