false alarm. still invincible.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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