Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
