YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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