hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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