Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
