Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
