wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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