Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
