just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
