no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
