He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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