new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
