we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
