I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
