you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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