bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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