we're blogging at a bar
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
