i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
