i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
