Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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