i already hear my dad disowning me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
