UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she told me i tasted like america
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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