Whatcha textin bout Willis?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
