Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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