I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
