he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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