Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How external is "for external use only"?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
