Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
