she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
