She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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