Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
