i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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