You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
40s are totally the cure
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
