I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
