we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
