Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
