i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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