Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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