I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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