I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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