My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
